Breaking up is never easy, and there is no such thing as a pain free break up, but there are some “best practices” when it come breaking up. As hard as it is to break up with someone, especially someone you still love, keep in mind that it’s always harder on the person being dumped, especially if the break up seems to be appearing out of the blue.

How to Break Up With Someone

Always break up in person. You should never EVER break up with someone in an email or text message – this is immature and petty.

Do the break up in a private setting. Some people think that breaking up in a public setting is a way to avoid drama, but this is fairly cowardly, there’s no reason you should subject your partner to a potentially public embarrassment. The only exception to this rule would be if you’re partner is physically abusive, but if this is case, you may have a lot of additional problems that you need to consider.

Don’t escalate things, try to just be calm and let your partner “get it all out” without making them feel even worse. Allow the person you’re breaking up with to rant, rave, cry, beg, or argue without making it worse.

Do it fast. Don’t have one of those breakups that lasts for weeks or months, if it’s over and you know it’s over, pull the band aid off quick and just get it over. It’s unfair to both parties to do the whole on again/off again thing, plus it’s a very unhealthy relationship dynamic.

Be honest, but not brutal. You’re partner deserves to know the truth about why you’re breaking up with them, but stray on the side of angels, don’t be cruel or unnecessarily hurtful. It should go without saying that you should always treat people the way you’d like to be treated, but people are especially vulnerable during break ups, so you need to use extra care.

If you’re thinking, “I just don’t find you attractive anymore”, try “We seem to have lost our passion and are now more friends than lovers, this really isn’t working for me and it’s unfair to both of us”. If you’re thinking, “Oh my god, all you want to do is watch TV, you’re so boring that I just can’t stand it” try “I know that you work hard and appreciate your leisure time, but I really need want to get out more and be more active, so this relationship just isn’t going to be a good match for either of us”.

Don’t use clichés. Steer clear of the ever popular, “It’s not you it’s me” or “We can still be friends”. It’s a bit of a cop out and doesn’t really do anything to make the dumpee feel any better.

Don’t call after the break up. With some break ups, there’s the possibility of remaining friends, while with other’s it’s just better to make a clean break, but even in “good break ups” you should still have a cooling down period where you spend a little time apart to emotionally heal. Hopefully, you’ve left the door open for future contact, but it’s best to let the person being dumped to set the pace.

Prepare for the break up. Ideally a break up shouldn’t come out of the blue; an “ambush breakup” can be very painful for the person that doesn’t see it coming. Unless a partner has done something totally egregious that requires an immediate break up, you should always set the stage for a break up. In most instances this happens naturally, but in some instances where the relationship is working for one person, but not the other, it can be a kindness to lay a little groundwork.

If the problems in the relationships are ones that could be potentially worked out, hopefully you’ve addressed them with your partner and given them the opportunity to address them. In this instance, problems have been identified, needs not met and the break up stage set. However, if the problems can’t be worked out, hopefully, you’ve expressed your increasing dissatisfaction or uncertainty about your relationship with your partner, so a potential break up wouldn’t be seen as a complete surprise. A random break up out of the blue is particularly cruel, so you should do your best to make sure your partner isn’t taken completely unawares. *Preparing for the break up would perhaps fall under “best relationship practices” rather than “best break up practices” and some people may find it to be in conflict with “Do It Fast”, but I don’t see it that way, I think both are possible.

Don’t pick a fight. When it comes to breaking up, all you can do is your best, but avoid taking the cowards way out by starting a fight just to give you an out.

In women, menopause is dramatic and complete; the process starts with fluctuations in hormone production and ends with the total loss of fertility. For most women, this process happens over the course of 5-10 years with the average age of menopause occurring at 52. However, the loss of hormone production in men happens much more gradually. Most men will experience slow declines in testosterone production starting at the age of 30 years old, with testosterone levels declining about 1% a year, so that by the age of 70 years it’s possible for testosterone levels to be down 40% -50%.

Some men report symptoms associated with male menopause similar to those reported by women during menopause.

Potential Symptoms of Male Menopause

• Loss of sexual function
• Loss of libido
• Mood swings
• Memory loss
• Difficulty concentrating
• Less energy
• Sleep problems

Controversy with Male Menopause

It’s quite possible that these “menopause” related symptoms in men may not be related to changes in hormone production at all.

Other possible causes of symptoms include:

• Normal aging
• Other health conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure
• Depression
• Sleep Disorders
• Poor lifestyle choices such as bad diet and lack of exercise

With female menopause, it has been well established that the changes in hormone production during menopause leads to symptoms, however this link hasn’t been as fully established with male menopause and there is still some dispute within the medical community as to whether male menopause is a “legitimate” life phase or just the result of natural aging.

Male Menopause Treatment

Andropause or Low T is treated with testosterone, but just as with hormone replacement therapy in women, this treatment carries certain health risks such as an increased risk of prostate cancer and other health problems. Evidence suggests that testosterone treatment does work at relieving the symptoms of male menopause, but the benefits have to be carefully weighed against the possible health risks.

Problems Associated With a Lack of Sleep

• Increased irritability
• Trouble concentrating
• Inability to multitask
• Difficulty performing cognitive tasks
• Leads to automotive accidents
• Problems with interpersonal relationships
• Potential exacerbation of emotional symptoms such as anxiety and stress
• Apathy
• Lack of energy
• Loss of pleasure or general enjoyment of life

Causes of Sleep Problems

Physical health problems/pain – Having health problems that cause pain such as arthritis or back problems can keep people from getting a good night’s sleep.

Mental health problems – Depression, anxiety, manic depressive episodes and other mental health problems can make it difficult to get enough sleep or sometimes may cause the sufferer to get too much sleep which is also unhealthy and disruptive. It’s possible for depressed people to suffer from both sleeplessness and/or getting too much sleep.

Sleep disorders – There are a wide variety of sleep disorders that can result in poor quality sleep, but some of the more common ones include sleep apnea, chronic insomnia, restless leg syndrome and sleep walking.

Medication, vitamins, herbal supplements – It’s quite possible that the medications you’re taking are impacting your ability to sleep.

Stress – In the US, stress is a big issue related to sleep problems, people with a lot of stress have a hard time falling asleep and getting enough restorative sleep. Unfortunately this can become an increasingly harmful spiral as less sleep leads to more stress and then even less sleep.

Night sweats – With menopausal women, night sweats can definitely make it difficult to get a restful night’s sleep.

Poor sleep habits – A lot of people simply don’t understand what it takes to get a good night’s sleep. Poor sleep habits can include irregular sleep hours, too much stimulation late at night, not having a regular night time routine, and other bad habits that don’t promote good healthy sleep habits.

Lack of exercise – Ideally, you should do a little exercise or activity outside every day. Not only does the exercise help your body function optimally, but your body needs the sunshine to ward of stress, depression and poor mental health. Plus, exercise also helps to limit your risk of other potential health problems.

Poor diet – Too much sugar, too much fat, or big heavy meals close to bedtime can all make getting a good night’s sleep difficult.

Caffeine – Some people react much more dramatically to caffeine consumption than other people, but ideally you shouldn’t consume any caffeinated drinks for 5 hours before bedtime. This may seem like a long time, but it takes this long for your body to process the caffeine.

Smoking – Nicotine is a stimulant that makes it harder to fall asleep, so smokers may have more difficulty getting a restive night’s sleep. Plus, smoking contributes to breathing problems which also make sleeping more difficult.

Alcohol consumption – Although drinking alcohol may initially seem to relax you and help you fall asleep fast, this initial effect may wear off in an hour or two and actually lead to disruptive sleep.

How to Get More Sleep

Set regular sleep hours. As far as I’m concerned, this is the single best thing you can do to improve the quality of your sleep, unfortunately this recommendation also often falls on deaf ears. You need to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. It’s confusing for your mind and body when you go to sleep one night at midnight and then the next night you try to go to sleep at 10pm. It’s no wonder you can’t fall asleep, your body is getting mixed signal.

Set up a bedtime routine. It’s best to avoid activities like chores, video games, TV or exercise close to bedtime, instead choose more relaxing activates such as reading, meditating, or a warm bath. Having a set routine “programs” your mind and body to get into the relax and sleep mode, making it easier to fall asleep.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol and large meals close to bed time. As mentioned, all of these things adversely affect getting a good night’s sleep.

Stop smoking close to bedtime. Ideally smokers should quit smoking entirely, but at the very least they should limit smoking at night and avoid smoking if they wake up in the middle of the night.
Don’t drink a lot of fluids close to bedtime. This cuts down on frequent bathroom runs.

Don’t turn on the lights when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, use nightlights or a flashlight. This keeps your eyes from absorbing all that extra light and makes it easier to fall back asleep.

Make your bedroom a calm, comfortable relaxing environment. If your bedroom is full of clutter, or dirty laundry, this can unknowingly create an unwelcoming stressful environment not conducive to relaxing.

Research your medications, vitamins and herbal supplements. Discuss with your doctor the possibility that your medications are interfering with your sleep and look at possible alternative treatments or perhaps try to take them earlier if your doctor approves this course of action.

Top 5 Things That Cause Wrinkles

Sun Damage

Sun damage is probably the leading cause of skin damage. Unfortunately, most of this damage occurs when we’re young and unaware. The good news is that it’s never too late to prevent future damage by wearing sunblock, wide brim hats and sunglasses.

Sunblock – It should be worn year round and have an SPF of 15 or higher, plus it needs to be reapplied several times a day especially when sweating.

Hat – should have a brim that provides total coverage for both your face and neck area.

Sunglasses – Not only do sunglasses prevent damage to your eyes, but it also protects the delicate skin around the eyes. Look for glasses with full UVA and UVB protection.

Lack of Sleep

Studies show that people need between 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night, unfortunately, millions of people are trying to function on much less. Not getting enough sleep increases cortisol levels which causes collagen loss in the skin and leads to wrinkles. Sleep is essential for optimal functioning, both physical and mental and when you don’t get enough; your body reacts negatively by increasing its production or cortisol. This increase in cortisol production not only causes wrinkles but can also have other serious health consequences such as Cushing’s syndrome, a weakened immune system, osteoporosis, impaired memory and much more.

So, although a certain amount of cortisol is necessary and essential, when medical conditions, lack of sleep or stress increase cortisol levels past healthy production levels it can cause a wide range of health problems.

Stress

If you want to see the damage that stress can cause, look at any president as they enter office and then take a look at them 4 years later, it’s as if they’ve aged 15 years. Stress, just like sleep, increases cortisol levels that lead to collagen break down and skin damage.

Smoking

Nicotine is a vasoconstrictor which means it decreases the diameter of blood vessels and slows down blood flow, this results in a lack of oxygen and nutrients to cells which causes skin damage. Plus, cigarette smoking requires repeated “pursing” or “puckering” of the lips while sucking on the cigarettes, leading to all those fine lines around the lip area.

High Sugar Consumption/Poor Diet

A diet high in sugar, processed foods and “browned” meats leads to glycation which causes tissue damage and wrinkles. Most people probably aren’t familiar with the term “glycation”, but this is when a sugar molecule combines with a protein molecule, when these molecules combine, it is also referred to as “cross linking”.

Advanced Glycation Endproducts or AGEs are often used as flavor enhancers or as coloring agents in food, they are found in a wide range of foods and beverages including dark soda, BBQ meat and donuts. Not only are AGEs added to foods, but they’re also produced during the cooking process. Foods that are cooked at high temperatures such as when frying or broiling produce more AGEs than foods cooked at lower temperatures.

But, sugar and glycation aren’t just responsible for wrinkles; they’re also related to a host of age related diseases such as Alzheimer’s disease, cardiovascular disease, cancer and much more.

One interesting study that was done as part of The Women’s Health Initiative found that optimistic women live longer, while pessimistic women faced a greater risk of death from a variety of causes including heart disease and cancer. Over the course of the study, pessimistic white women were 13% more likely to die than their more optimistic counterparts, while black pessimistic women had an even worse outcome; they were 33% more likely to die. It’s unknown why this racial disparity exists, but these are frightening outcomes that highlight the health risks of pessimism. (For more on the study check out: Study: Optimistic Women Live Longer)

The Benefits of Optimism

Happier life – Being negative is toxic and affects all aspects of your life: relationships, work and family.

Live longer – Optimists live longer

Improved Relationships – When you focus intently on people’s negative qualities and all the ways in which they irk and irritate you, you put a negative spotlight on the relationship and eventually lose sight of all the positive qualities that someone may bring to a relationship. Plus, a lot of people don’t enjoy being around pessimistic people, so improving your outlook can help you meet more people and have a richer more fulfilling social life.

Feel Powerful – Part of being pessimistic is feeling like a victim, like things are happening to you and you’re simply a pawn in the universe, but optimism allows you to feel powerful and in control of your life. As an optimist, you realize that bad things will happen, but you simply choose to interpret them in the most positive way possible.

Handle Adversity Better – It’s a fact that life doesn’t always go smoothly or as planned and sometimes bad things will happen, so having a positive attitude that can help you navigate through these difficult times is definitely beneficial.

Cope With Change Better – Change is an inevitable part of life, but we humans don’t always take so well to it, we tend to like the known and the comfortable. Change is especially hard when you have a tendency to assume that the outcome is probably going to be bad, but when you’re optimistic you look at change as not only inevitable, but perhaps as an opportunity.

Stop Living A Fear Based Life – Being pessimistic may be keeping you from living the life you’ve always wanted. When you’re negative, you’re unknowingly living a fear based life. Are you working at a job you hate? Everyone hates their job. There are no jobs. I’m too old to change careers. Are you in an unhealthy relationship? I’d rather be in a bad relationship than lonely. Dating is too much work. I probably can’t find someone to love me. Are you living the life you’ve always wanted? I can’t start my own business. I don’t have enough money to travel. I’ll never get a promotion.

All of this is negative self-talk that becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. You’re so sure that things won’t work out that you never take any steps to improve your life, so nothing changes, thus reinforcing your belief that life is just hard and unfair.

Interesting in improving your life and your health?

Check out this article:  Learn To Become an Optimist

Today I’d probably be considered a Pollyanna or an uber optimist by most people, but I haven’t always been as optimistic, happy or positive as I am today. While I probably never qualified as a hard core pessimist, I was definitely unhappy, unfulfilled and I felt like my life was a little beyond my control. I’ve been fortunate that I never suffered from clinic depression, addiction or mental illness, all of which make it difficult to be mentally and emotionally healthy, instead I had my own obstacles to overcome. When I look back now it’s so clear to me that the vast majority of these obstacles were self-imposed, the same things that I once thought were so important, I now find trivial and laughable.

Since I’m interested in life improvement and happiness, I started doing a little research on the topic of optimism and pessimism and found some common threads that closely matched my own experiences. There are ways that you can actually “train” yourself to become a more optimistic.

The first thing you need to do is take a look at your inner self-talk and be truly honest with yourself.

Are You a Pessimist or Realist?

Although I think it’s totally possible to be a realist with a “realistic” healthy outlook on life, I find that a lot of people who claim to be realists are actually pretty pessimistic. The idea of being perceived as pessimistic or negative can be an unpleasant one to consider, so whitewashing things under the guise of realism has a lot of appeal.

Here are a couple scenarios to consider:

Examples

You Get Fired

Pessimist: I knew this was going to happen. My boss hates me. I’ll never get another job. I’m so unlucky. Life is so unfair.

Realist: I got fired, these things happen. The economy is bad, so it may be hard to get another job, but there are jobs available.

Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

Pessimist: I’m a horrible person. My spouse is a horrible person. I’m such a failure. I knew that love doesn’t last. I’m unlovable. No one will ever love me again. I’ll never be able to trust or love again. You can’t trust people.

Realist: Divorce can be hard and I may feel bad for a while. There are millions of people on the planet, so the odds are pretty good that I can have another loving relationship if that’s what I want.

Then you need to take action.

Steps for Becoming More Optimistic

Monitor your inner self-talk. When it comes to changing your outlook, this is probably the single best thing you can do; unfortunately it’s not easy and takes some practice. We all have a little voice in our head that talks to us and reinforces whatever we’re experiencing emotionally. When you’re having a bad day at work your inner voice may by saying things like, “I hate this job. My boss is an idiot. Work sucks.”
The first thing you need to do is learn to recognize this negative thought pattern. This happens so normally and naturally that it’s often hard to notice when it’s occurring.

The second thing you need to do is to start “reprograming” your inner self-talk. When you start with all the negative thoughts, say, “Stop!” in your head. Now try to replace your negative thoughts with more positive thoughts such as, “This job is really challenging me right now, but it’s sure nice to have a job when so many people are out of work. I’m not finding this job very satisfying right now, so maybe this is a good time to consider a career change. This work situation is really pushing my buttons, but maybe this is a good opportunity for me to work on my people skills.”

Notice that you’re not trying to whitewash the fact that your boss and job are challenging you right now; you’re simply accepting it and “spinning” it in a more positive direction. You’re trying to be optimistic not delusional.

Same scenario, but completely different views. In the first scenario, you’re a victim, work sucks and your boss is an idiot. In the second scenario you’re grateful for your job, you’re open to the idea of a career change with new opportunities and you have an opportunity for personal growth.

Practice, practice, practice. Changing these thought processes will take time – time to recognize and time to implement, but keep working at it every day and slowly but surely it will become easier and easier.

Give Up Being Perfect. People who are perfectionists are more likely to be pessimistic, unhappy and depressed. No small wonder really, life is almost never perfect. It’s important to accept and embrace the imperfection of yourself, others and life.

Don’t Have Expectations. This ties in well with being perfect. A lot of times we have an idea or dream of how things should be. For example, you dream of the perfect vacation or an ideal family holiday where you’re as brilliant as Martha Stewart. But what happens if it rains on your vacation and you burn the turkey – Is everything ruined? It can help to not have expectations about how you “think” things should be and just deal with what is.

Reduce Your Stress. It’s hard to be Zen-like when you’re pushed to the limits and stressed out of your mind. Check out my article on why stress will kill you:

Get Enough Sleep. Studies show that 6-8 hours of sleep is ESENTIAL for optimal health. This one amazes me, because I’ve always prized my sleep, but a lot of people are actually stunned when they feel sick and run down after months (if not years) of inadequate sleep. Don’t believe me, how many energy drinks and powders are sold in 7-11? Energy products are not the cure! Without adequate sleep you’re more likely to feel sick, irritable and more prone to negative thoughts.

Exercise. Regular exercise improves both your physical and mental health, both of which are important for a positive outlook on life. It’s been well established that exercise helps your body release endorphins to create a natural sense of well-being and helps fight off the blues and minor depression.

Make Better Lifestyle Choices. It’s hard to be mentally healthy and happy when you’re engaging in self-destructive habits such as excessive drinking, gambling and doing drugs. You don’t even have to be an addict for these activities to have a negative impact on your life.

Pessimism may even be killing you, check out the article: 

Optimists Live Longer Healthier Lives than Pessimists

How Much Hair Loss Is Considered Normal?

At all ages, a certain amount of hair loss is normal and to be expected, most people with normal hair growth can expect to lose about 50-100 hairs a day, when you put your hand in your hair and lightly tug, you should expect to see about 3-5 hairs. Excessive hair loss is most likely to be seen after combing or brushing or you may begin to notice a lot of hair on your pillow after sleeping or after shampooing your hair.

Differences in Male and Female Baldness

Men will experience a receding hair line or hair loss starting at the back of the head while women will have hair loss at the top of the head which will be especially noticeable where they part their hair, but the hair line will not recede.

Hair Loss during Menopause

Although hair loss in women isn’t as common or as pronounced as that in men, women can also experience “pattern baldness” or thinning hair which is likely to become more obvious as the years past. Female pattern baldness is attributed to genetics, aging and changes in hormone production during menopause, specifically changes in the estrogen/androgen ratio. Estrogen levels drop quickly while androgen (male hormones) levels taper down slower skewing hormone levels in favor of androgen. This is why women also begin to notice an increase in facial hair during menopause.

Other Health Conditions That May Cause Hair Loss

It’s widely assumed that hair loss and hair thinning during menopause is “normal” and inevitable and to a certain extent this is true, however, if you are experiencing excessive hair loss, this can be a potential indicator of a much more serious medical condition such as:

Autoimmune Diseases (Alopecia is an autoimmune disease that attacks the hair follicles and results in patches of hair loss. Lupus erythematosus is another autoimmune disease that may attack the hair follicles and result in patchy baldness.)

Physically stressful events such as surgery, illness or pregnancy (this type of hair loss is usually only temporary.

Certain medications including anticoagulants, antidepressants, ant thyroid medications, NSAIDS (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs – aspirin and ibuprofen are common NSAIDS) and anticonvulsants can cause hair loss.

Chemotherapy/radiation therapy

Vitamin or mineral deficiencies including iron, protein, vitamin A, and Vitamin D (although these could potentially be caused by poor diet, more likely than not these would be the result of crash dieting or illness).

Thyroid problems such as Grave’s Disease (over functioning thyroid) and Hashimoto’s disease (under functioning thyroid) are autoimmune diseases that may also cause hair loss as well as other health problems

Syphilis

Skin conditions such as psoriasis and atopic dermatitis can cause temporary hair loss that is usually reversible with treatment.

Scalp infections such as staph or boils can result in hair loss that is usually treatable, but may become permanent if left untreated.

Allergies – It’s possible to have an allergic reaction to some ingredients in shampoos and conditioners.

Testing for Underlying Causes of Hair Loss

Even if you suspect your hair loss is due to menopause and aging, it’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor. You doctor will probably run a hormone test, a blood test and maybe even an allergy panel to check for underlying potential causes. Your doctor will also check to make sure that your thyroid is functioning properly and that you don’t have diabetes or kidney or liver problems.

What Can Be Done About Hair Loss In Women?

If your hair loss is related to an underlying medical condition, then treating this underlying condition will hopefully improve hair growth, but this may not be possible in all cases.

Unfortunately, when it comes to female pattern baldness, there is no cure only treatment. The most common treatment for hair loss is Minoxidil, a topical ointment that is applied to the scalp to stimulate hair growth and prevent further hair loss. Women use a weaker form of Minoxidil than men and it’s not recommended for pregnant women. Minoxidil only helps hair grow in about 20% – 25% of women, but works at preventing additional hair in most women. Minoxidil requires constant application, because when usage is stopped, the hair loss will start up again.

Although hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may help reduce hair loss, unless you have additional health reasons for taking HRT, this is usually not a recommended course of action to treat just hair loss due to the increased risks of heart disease, breast cancer, strokes and blood clots.

Spironolactone, a medication used to treat hyperaldosteronism ( this condition is caused by heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease and other medical conditions that cause the body to produce too much of the hormone aldosterone) has shown some results in reducing the effects of female pattern baldness. Although this medication isn’t specifically recommended for female pattern baldness, over time, it has become known that preventing hair loss is a secondary benefit of Spironolactone, so this may be an option to discuss with your doctor.

Hair transplants, wigs and hair pieces are other potential options to consider.

Individual Model vs. Institutional Model

The biggest change is the shift from an institutional provider driven model to an individual (or self-directed) model. In the institutional driven model, older adults were shuttled off to assisted care facilities where they were told when to eat, when to sleep, when to wake up, when to bath, when to exercise and when to do activities. Basically, every waking moment in an assisted care facility was scripted according to the wishes and convenience of the institutional care provider.

Nowadays, more long term care facilities are empowering older adults to choose how they manage their day and their time, this is the self-directed model. Elder care providers are realizing that older adults still have a lot of living to do and have a better overall quality of life with the self-directed care model. These changes allow older adults more choices, more opportunities for self-determination and more meaningful life choices. While it may seem patently obvious that a self-directed model is preferable to an institutionalized model, it flies in the face of years of industry standards.

Shifting From Institutional Living to Assisted Community Homes

Besides allowing for more self-determination and freedom in long term health care facilities, another big fundamental shift is occurring in the facilities themselves. Prior to this culture shift, long term care facilities were built and run like hospitals with large dining rooms, shared rooms and a very industrialized and structured environment. After the culture shift, some long term care facilities are being built as villages of smaller homes with the emphasis on building smaller communities and more home like environments, with shared kitchens, dining rooms and living rooms. They offer all the comforts of home, while still offering all the conveniences and medical assistance of their more industrialized counterparts.

Another benefit of these smaller living environments is that these homes are often staffed with the same constant medical team of nurses, doctors and councilors allowing for better continuity of care, improved relationships and a definite improvement in the overall quality of life in elders.

Changing the Language of Aging

This culture change also challenges long term assisted care providers and medical care providers who deal with older adults to change the language of aging and overturn previously held beliefs about aging. Health care facilities are encouraged to change their language in simple ways, for example, instead of “allowing” older adults to do certain things, they’re “encouraging” or “welcoming” certain activities. Using the term “wing” or “unit” is out and “household”, “street”, “neighborhood” or “avenue” is in. While these changes may seem superficial on the surface, they are actually helping to change the perception of aging, increasing the dignity and quality of long term care.

Choosing Your Long Term Assisted Care Facility

With all of us facing the possibility of required long term care, it’s good to know that we’ll have better options than those that were available in the past. But these changes have been slow to occur and aren’t available everywhere, so, when shopping for an assisted care facility, try to get one that is going to be the best fit for you. Look for one that allows you more self-determination, better personalized service and a focus on individual quality of life rather than a one size fits all institutionalized environment.

First, we need to separate complete deal breakers from qualities that would nice to have in a partner, but aren’t completely necessary.

We’re going to build 3 lists:

-Must Haves
-Preferences
-Wouldn’t It Be Nice

Must Haves

These are qualities that are 100% non-negotiable; these are qualities that you absolutely require in a partner.

Examples:

• Personal integrity/honesty
• Easy going
• Sense of humor
• Similar religious beliefs
• Wants children
• Lives an active lifestyle
• Good communication skills/ability to compromise
• Non-smoker
• Must say “I love you” at least once a day
• Enjoys sex several times a week
• Wants to travel
• Has no addictive behaviors or mental health problems

Preferences

These are qualities that you would like to have in a partner, but they’re not complete deal breakers.

Examples:

• Likes to spend holidays with familyIs outgoing
• Has a good relationship with his family
• Eats a healthy diet
• Wants to live in the suburbs
• Likes dogs
• Enjoys camping
• Loves long road trips
• Enjoys entertaining at home

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

These are qualities that would be nice to have in a partner, but are low on the list of priorities.

• Enjoys cooking together at home
• Likes Thai food
• Loves Battlestar Galactica
• Listens to jazz music
• Doesn’t wear sweat pants the whole weekend
• Has a college degree
• Enjoys going to plays

Separating Your Needs from Your Wants

A lot of people expect too much out of a partner and a relationship, the cold hard reality is that you’re never going to be able to find someone to meet 100% of all your needs and all your wants, so you have to identify what is truly essential and be willing to compromise on the non-essential.

Food For Thought

I read some good advice once that basically said, don’t choose a partner based on their good qualities, because everyone has good qualities, instead, choose a partner with bad qualities that you can tolerate. This makes a lot of sense to me, because no matter how many excellent qualities someone has, if you can’t overlook the fact that they are incapable of putting their socks in the hamper or wiping the counter after making a sandwich, then all the good qualities in the world won’t save your relationship.

Disfiguration

I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures of Michael Jackson’s nose or the results of Joan Rivers many face lifts and think such a thing couldn’t possibly happen to you, but bad plastic surgery happens all the time, it doesn’t just happen to celebrities or people who have lots of procedures, it can happen to anyone at any time. One bad procedure can lead to a lifetime of regret.

Regret

The vast majority of people are happy with the overall results of their plastic surgery, but about 5% – 15% report being unhappy with their procedure. Everyone always assume they’ll be in the majority, but consider for a minute if you’re not.

Hemotoma

This is pool of blood that forms outside of blood vessels. In most cases, a hematoma will resolve on their own without further treatment, but in rare cases it may require additional surgery. Hemotoma occur in 1% – 2% of face lift patients.

Numbness/Nerve Damage

In face-lifts and tummy tucks, numbness at the incision site is common, but typically doesn’t last for long. Loss of sensation in the nipples after breast surgery is also common and may become permanent especially in the case of breast reduction where the nipple and areola are completely removed and then reattached.

Necrosis

This is when the blood supply to tissue is cut off, resulting in tissue death. It’s possible for necrosis to spread, resulting in the need for additional surgery. In extreme cases, necrosis can result in lost limbs and even death. Smokers face an increased risk of necrosis and should not smoke before any surgery.

Seroma

This is when body fluid forms in an area after surgery; it’s a common complication after mastectomies, abdominal surgeries and plastic surgery, so common in fact that a lot of surgeons take the preventative measure of inserting a drain while performing the surgery. If a drain isn’t put in during the surgery, one may have to be inserted post-surgery if a seroma forms.

Infection

Infection is rare in plastic surgery risk, but all surgery carries the risk of infection.

Death

Although death is a rare complication, there have been many well documented cases of people dying from plastic surgery.